Guy Woodward

Guy Woodward is one of the 2 Good Boys. He has appeared on every episode so far.

AKA, Vampire Christ, "The Beast", The Dead Man(!), Ol' Slippery, The Grink.

Guy is a champion dug walker, an ASMR artist, and a purveyor of weapons grade grot. Guy does not eat chocolate, to the extent of asking the woman working at Cadbury World if she had any crisps. Little is known about Guy's true origins, with stories ranging from being originally from the mean streets of Baltimore, being part of a Nazi dynasty, and being grown from beans found by Ryan Macleod.

Guy has a strong belief that he could "batter a ghost". This stems from him being the most gallus human on the West coast of Scotland. Some might question the ability to batter the incorporeal, but Guy says "I would kill myself on the spot so I could meet the ghost on equal ground and kick fuck oot it".

Considering Guy has also said he could batter an alien and a badger, it is conceivable he has a condition known as "ersatz hard cunt syndrome". Ersatz hard cunt syndrome is defined by the sufferer's enhanced belief of being able to successfully attack or injure other people (in this case extending to animals, extraterrestrials, and paranormal phenomena). However, it has been noted that Guy has large hands, and could potentially be unstoppable if in a red-faced, tears-streaming, state of pure raging. The only way to know for sure, is if Guy were to face a gauntlet of aliens, ghosts, and badgers at the Glengarnock Fight House. In Episode 20, Guy said his "most Bane" thing yet and said he could batter a policeman.

On the 2nd of July 2018, Guy unveiled a portrait of himself with a Hitler moustache, confirming that he was the Nazi heirloom all along.

He has done "one weed", but nothing stronger.

Opinions on Fetishes and Kinks

 * Guy has been known to theorise on the origins of his many kinks. Perhaps the most popular of which is having been "kicked in the dick a lot as a wain".
 * People think he's into feet, but in actuality there's nothing about them that actively puts him off.
 * Pee is up for debate (because when a woman squirts it is pee), but he draws the line at poo.
 * He is unsure how people find out they're into shit ("Do they get a stauner while they're having a shite because they like the smell?")
 * Not a fan of Pamperchu and diaper fetishism.
 * Isn't sure if he would like a good kicking, especially not a punch in the face as he finishes.
 * LOVES a big arse.
 * Sometimes he just wants to watch "a black guy shaggin' a fat white lassie".
 * A longstanding desire to have his dick "kicked 'aff".

Accomplishments

 * 24 hour bolognese.
 * Inventor of the orphan roasting chimney (patent pending).
 * Impeccable bowel control.
 * Amazing sense of smell.
 * Somehow unable to determine if meat has gone off or not despite the point above.
 * Successfully (?) wiped his arse on a smooth, disused bike tyre.
 * Distributor and recipient of small town violence.